


Let Me Tell You A Story About A Boy And A Boy

by CallMeHopeless



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - College/University, Awkwardness, Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, Or not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-16
Updated: 2017-03-27
Packaged: 2018-10-06 02:53:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10323962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CallMeHopeless/pseuds/CallMeHopeless
Summary: 5 times Merlin tries to tell Arthur he loves him.One time he doesn't.





	1. Chapter 1

Merlin had met Arthur in his very first week at university. They had a course together on japanese culture from the 17th century to the present (better don't ask).

The course only consisted of about 30 people and Arthur sat directly in front of Merlin. That wasn't really alarming, except that he kept staring at him. At first, Merlin was a little creeped out. Sure, Arthur was incredibly handsome and seemed to be very smart and oh-dear-god that voice! But still. Merlin didn't quite know how to deal with the staring, so he squirmed on his chair more often than not and for the first couple of weeks, he was incredibly glad to have found in a friend in the guy next to him: Gwaine.

Suddenly however, Arthur had changed seats. He had taken up the spot on Gwaine's other side and that was how him and Merlin got talking – a bit.

They said hello and good-bye, worked together if they had to and Merlin was fine with that arrangement. Until the last day before Christmas, when Arthur walked past him and said:

“Happy Christmas, Merlin. Enjoy your holidays.”

Merlin was rooted to the spot. He only mumbled a “you, too,” when Arthur was already long gone.

That was the first indication that he might not be creeped out that much anymore.

 

*

 

At the end of the semester, they had become friendly with each other and Merlin actually replied when being talked to. The problem now was, that Merlin had come to terms with the attractiveness of the blond. Because as much as he had pretended not to notice before, he noticed now. A lot. And if he was honest to himself, Merlin had developed a little crush.

He thought he was being subtle, trying not to stare at Arthur (he knew how that felt like, after all) and pined silently, certain that it would never come to anything between them. He didn't tell anybody either out of fear that they would make him... make a move or even worse they would talk to Arthur themselves.

It would be incredibly weird if he just went up to him and said “hey bro, we barely talk but I'm kinda crushing on you and, uh, okay, bye”, wouldn't it?

It would.

Even though it was difficult for Merlin not to say anything because he was the type of person who wore his heart on his sleeve.

Which is exactly how his friends found out.

He was standing in a small circle with Freya, Gilli and Will when Arthur came up to them.

“Hey,” he greeted, smiling. Merlin's face immediately froze.

“Hey, er, Arthur, uhm...”

Arthur kept smiling and introduced himself to Merlin's friends, seemingly oblivious to the other's discomfort.

“So good to finally meet you, I kinda got the impression Merlin was a loner. I only ever see you alone, Merlin," he finished accusingly, albeit grinning. 

And suddenly, those piercing blue eyes were on his.

“I, er, have friends.” Merlin said lamely.

Just because he now replied when being asked a question didn't mean that he replied coherent. Coherence was overrated anyway, Merlin decided.

Arthur just laughed. A full on head-thrown-back laugh and Merlin was absolutely in love with the sight and sound and alright, the boy himself.

“See you later?”

Merlin just nodded and like that, he was gone.

Thee pairs of eyes landed on him and he tried to change the subject, he really did, but his friends where to perceptive for their own good:

“You are so in love with him.”

“How long has that been going on?”

“ _Him_ , Merlin, really?”

Merlin could only try to pretend he didn't hear them and try not to blush. He failed.

*

 

Fast forward to the last day of the semester. Merlin was sitting on one of the benches on campus by himself, reading. He had his last test in a couple of hours and he felt confident enough to not freak out about it.

He hadn't seen Arthur for a while, which was natural since it was finals week. Which is why he was absolutely taken by surprise, when the blond plopped down on the bench next to him.

“Hey,” he said sounding exhausted.

Merlin had no idea what he said, only that it came out as a “hmpf!”

“Last final, too?”

Merlin nodded.

He had thought about what he would do when he finally saw Arthur again and now that he was here, he wasn't quite so sure that “I'm kind of in love with you” was the best way to go.

He just let Arthur talk for a while, telling him about his finals and how stressed out he was, all of the papers he still had to write and Merlin felt his heart swell. He was. He really was in love with that boy next to him. How had that happened?

He should tell him. No, that would be disastrous! On the other hand, what was the worst thing to happen? Merlin reminded himself that he could get his heart broken and quickly tried getting that thought out of his head.

Thinking about whether or not to tell Arthur he loved him, he didn't hear the last part of Arthur's story and now the blond was staring at him expectantly.

“Er, sorry, what did you say?”

Arthur chuckled.

“I was asking how you were getting on with your assignments?”

Merlin nodded.

“Yeah, three paper to go but I think it will be fine.”

Arthur smiled.

“If you need to go to the library for more sources, let me know. Maybe I can be of help seeing as that I've had to do this stuff for two semesters already.”

“Thank you,” was all Merlin could manage.

“Arthur, listen,” Merlin didn't quite know what had possessed him to say that, his brain sending out red alert warning signs but he kind of couldn't stop now.

“I wanted to talk to you about something.”

Meanwhile, Arthur was checking his phone and swore.

“Shit, Merlin, I am sorry but I have to go. Is it important?”

Merlin smiled sadly and shook his head. Nope, not important at all he was just trying to get himself out there. All good, all good.

“Great, you tell me the next time, yeah? My final is starting soon!”

Merlin nodded.

“Good luck.”

Arthur grinned at him and shoved at his shoulder.

“Brighten up, Merlin. The world is wonderful and you always look like you're sulking. We are both gonna be fine. Good luck to you, too.”

And with that, he was gone.

Merlin tried to continue reading his book but to no avail.

Had he really been ready to tell Arthur Pendragon he loved him?

On a park bench?

On finals day?

Merlin chuckled darkly and shook his head.

Thank god for that final. Or else Merlin could have made things incredibly complicated indeed.

 


	2. Chapter 2

It was the end of Merlin's second semester.

He had had a good time. Made a lot of friends, had interesting classes... and if he spent a little too much time hanging around campus for the chance to see a certain blond fourth semester, then that was nobodys business.

Because see _him_ , he did.

They didn't talk as much since they weren't in a course together anymore and both of them had lost touch with Gwaine (who had brought them together in the first place... sort of). Merlin wasn't quite sure what to do.

He spent a lot of time reading on 'his' bench (the one Arthur had talked to him to at the end of the first semester) and hoped for Arthur to just come by. Which was silly, really. What was he supposed to do? Start a conversation? Be smooth? Smooth wasn't really Merlin's strong suit. More bumbling, clumsy, stammering idiot.

He still sat and he still read and Arthur sometimes came by and said 'hello'.

Merlin told himself that that was enough. Yet, he felt the butterflies in his stomach everytime Arthur walked by. Suddenly, it got hard to breathe everytime Arthur winked at him (and really, who _winked_ at people. Especially someone that attractive. It just was bloody unfair.) and his insides went to absolut mush when Arthur did have enough time for a little chat.

As much as Merlin loved Shakespeare, Arthur did not.

He kept complaining about the plays he had to read for his literature class and Merlin could just smile and stare and wish he was in the same class. He could probably offer to tutor Arthur and it wouldn't even sound weird.

“I just... I don't get why they speak the way they speak! Who says 'behold'?”

Merlin snickered.

“They did say that at the time, you know. Did you know that sometimes Shakespeare would use a fancy word and use the normal expression right before or after? So that everyone in his audience could understand?”

Arthur had smiled fondly at him and said:

“Merlin, you are such a nerd.”

Merlin did take that as a compliment.

*

 

At the end of finals week however, he was beginning to get nervous again. He knew he was only in his second semester and he had four to go (sadly, Arthur had only three semester left), but each day that he didn't tell Arthur how he felt about him, made him get closer to the day he had to say goodbye to the blond forever.

Every time he talked to Arthur, he tried to find the courage to just say it. To just do something about the crush that was getting bigger and bigger each time that smile and twinkling eyes were directed at him.

After he let the last day pass, he thought that had been it for at least the next couple of months.

 

Nobody was more surprised than Merlin, when he was standing in line to see the university drama group perform (Gilli had a minor role in the play) and could make out a blond head he would recognise anywhere two people in front of him.

Before he could talk himself out of it, he tapped Arthur lightly on the shoulder.

“Hey Merlin,” he smiled and offered the people behind him to trade places.

“You clean up well,” he smirked.

Merlin looked down at himself and groaned.

“Gilli is in the play and I promised to wear something I'd wear to the actual theatre,” Merlin admitted blushing a bit.

“You look good,” Arthur commented and then asked about his finals.

Merlin was rather proud of himself because he heard and answered every question Arthur asked him and even managed to ask how his tests went, even though the only thought he could grasp was:

'He thinks I look good'.

They got seats next to each other and Arthur even grabbed a program for him and Merlin. Together, they looked over the list of cast members and Arthur pointed to a name, saying: “My sister.”

Merlin giggled.

“Your sister is in the drama group?”

“Something funny about that?”

Merlin shrugged.

“Kinda funny, since you can't stand plays.”

Arthur laughed.

Merlin loved making Arthur laugh.

“True. Don't tell her, though. She thinks since I'm taking Shakespeare classes,” he made quotation marks with his fingers, “I am on the right way”.

They grinned at each other until the lights went down.

Merlin kept his eyes open for Gilli and Morgana (which apparently was Arthur's sister) and couldn't believe how brilliant they both were. They even shared a few lines and suddenly, Merlin felt a lot closer to the boy next to him than he already did.

Since it was a uni play, it didn't last that long and there was no intermission. Merlin would have loved to spend some more time next to Arthur. Especially because their knees kept brushing every now and again.

But alas, it was over too soon and the lights were turned back on.

“Your sister was amazing,” Merlin beamed and Arthur nodded.

“I didn't know she had it in her,” he mumbled, obviously proud.

It was now or never, Merlin thought. They were sitting here obviously waiting for Gilli and Morgana to finish up backstage and it _was_ the last day of the semester.

“Listen Arthur,”

Arthur turned his head and stared at Merlin.

“Yeah?” he nudged his leg softly when Merlin didn't continue.

“It, er, it was really nice spending this evening with you,”

Arthur nodded.

“Yeah, me too. It was a lot of fun. So much better than sitting through a play alone.”

Merlin nodded.

“Yeah, plus, er. This is something I wanted to tell you for a while now but, uhm-”

“Arthur!”

Merlin was interrupted by two arms flinging themselves around Arthur's neck, hugging tight. The blond laughed.

“Morgana, you are suffocating me.”

Morgana – even more beautiful up close, Merlin noticed – let go and walked in front of them both, giving Merlin and Arthur a bemused look.

“I'm sorry but I almost couldn't believe it when I saw you sitting in the audience. I was sure you wouldn't come.”

Arthur looked outraged.

“Not come? To my sister's theatre debut?”

Morgana grinned and her gaze swept over to Merlin.

“Are you not going to introduce us?”

Arthur sat up straight and indicated between them.

“Merlin, this is Morgana, my sister. Morgana, this is Merlin, my... fellow student.”

They shook hands. Merlin tried to keep a positive face, to smile.

Fellow student. Not friend, not even acquaintance. Fellow Student.

He wished for the floor to swallow him whole and was beyond happy when Gilli finally came to rescue him.

He went home with a tight knot in his chest that night. Second try on his mission to tell Arthur how he felt: fail.

 


	3. Chapter 3

Three is the charm, right? Third semester.

Merlin felt good, he felt safe within his uni environment, loved the friends he had made and he saw Arthur on a regular basis. Which meant once a week. Why? Because Arthur's class was right after Merlin's class in the same room.

Since Merlin had noticed that (in his fourth week), he made sure that he took long enough gathering his things (he might even scatter even more things than strictly necessary on his table just so it would take him longer to pack it all back into his bag) until Arthur would come in.

“Hey Merlin,” he greeted. He always said Merlin's name when greeting him. Merlin loved it.

Especially the way Arthur said it, like he stressed the first syllable _just so_.

Anyway, he was getting off track.

“Morning Arthur,” Merlin smiled.

It was always like that. Arthur on his way in, Merlin on his way out. They had a short conversation until Merlin couldn't justify staying any longer and left.

 

It had been like that the whole semester and Merlin loved those Tuesday mornings. He lived for those Tuesday mornings. Even though he hated the course he had, the meeting Arthur part was more than worth it and he hadn't skipped the class once.

And then, the end of the semester approached and Merlin got giddy with nerves again.

He always thought he had time at the beginning of each semester. He thought he would talk to Arthur, become closer with him and then he'd just ask him out. Or simply tell him how he felt so there was no danger of a “no” there.

It drove Merlin crazy, not telling Arthur.

Not because he thought that Arthur would take him into his arms and kiss him breathlessly and...

never mind.

He just didn't think Arthur would be that much into him but Merlin thought that once it was out there, he might be happier and able to move on.

Might not get a heart attack everytime he saw Arthur laughing with an attractive boy or girl that wasn't him.

He was fairly certain that most of those were only acquaintances (or friends. Anything would be better than what he was: a fellow student). Still, Merlin needed to say it out loud.

 

His friends long stopped pittying him and only rolled their eyes at his pathetic attempts on not looking lovesick.

“Just tell him already, it's like pulling a bandaid off.”

“Corner him and snog him. He won't say no to that.”

“Do whatever you want but do something, this whole pining thing makes my head hurt.”

Was what they had to say.

Merlin wasn't so sure of all that. Worst of all was that he had a class with Morgana that semester and he was so incredibly anxious about her finding out about his crush, if she hadn't already. She kept making those references...

“I see you like coffee, Merlin. Arthur does, too.”

Merlin could only squint at her. What the hell was that suppoed to mean?

 

Like all of the other semester (so both prior semester) before, Merlin procrastinated. He was good at that. Hell, he was brilliant at that which is why he had to work day and night for a week so he could finish all of his assignments.

He saw Arthur in the hall after handing in his last paper. Looking completely deranged and crazy (lack of sleep will do that to a bloke).

“Uh, Merlin, you look like hell.”

Merlin nodded, not able to smile back.

“Yeah, uh, I just handed in-” he yawned, “my last assignment.”

When he forced his eyes open to properly look at Arthur, he didn't know what to make of that smirk he had on his face.

Then, suddenly (but then again, everything seemed suddenly to Merlin in his sleep deprived form), Arthur put his arm around Merlin's shoulders.

“Come on then, let's get some coffee into you.”

Merlin figured that being tired was even worse than being drunk. He could absolutely not help giggling in contentment and smelling Arthur (he would certainly _not_ have done that drunk).

“You like coffee,” he murmured into Arthur's neck and the blond had obviously trouble to keep his 'fellow student' upright.

He laughed.

“Yeah, Merlin. I like coffee. You do, too. Which is why I'm taking you for coffee.”

Merlin grinned.

“Lead the way, then. Coffee date, here we come!”

He hadn't meant it like _that._ Judging by the way Arthur suddenly tensed, he had certainly understood it like that.

He still took him for coffee though. Merlin decided it was best to keep his mouth shut and just ordered an extra large cappuccino. Which Arthur paid for.

Merlin slowly sipped his beverage, not really capable of looking Arthur in the eye. The blond seemed to have recovered relatively quickly from the whole _date accident_ and told Merlin about what he and Morgana were going to do in their holidays and asked whether Merlin had any plans.

Merlin just shook his head before there was silence.

“So Merlin, I've been meaning to ask you...you've had a class with Morgana this semester, right?”

Merlin nodded, closing his eyes just for a second.

“Did she, er, say anything? About me?”

That made Merlin open them again.

“Like what?” he asked interested.

Did Arthur blush? It sure looked like it. What could Morgana have possibly said? He tried to wreck his brain for an answer and finally decided to just talk (or in Merlin's case: ramble).

“Not really. Just little things. She kept telling me about stuff you liked whenever she found out that I liked it, too. Like...coffee. Or watching reality TV or being fond of the flash...”

Another pause.

“That's it?”

“Uh huh,” Merlin tried to think of anything else but came up short.

“Yeah but I think she just wanted to mock me, I think she might have figured out that I am in lo-”

“Can I bring you boys anything else?”

Merlin hadn't even seen the waitress approach until it was too late.

Arthur shot her his most charming smile and declined before looking at Merlin.

Merlin shook his head.

“No thank you.”

After she was gone again, Arthur sighed.

“Alright then, I guess that's for the better,” he then glanced at his clock.

“Oh damnit, is that the time? I was supposed to meet up with her ten minutes ago!”

He jumped off his chair and quickly put on his jacket.

“I'm so sorry, Merlin. Have a good holiday, yeah?”

Merlin nodded.

“You, too.”

Suddenly, he felt like the little shy boy from his first semester all over again.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

Merlin's fourth semester. Arthur's fifth. Only two semester left to tell him.

Merlin was about to hyperventilate every time he thought about it. Just as he was about to melt everytime he thought about Arthur.

He had started a list on the last page of his notebook. He knew it was pathetic but he kept track on how many times they talked. He always named their talks.

'The Theatre Talk'

'The Coffee Chat'

and so on and so forth. He wasn't very creative but he instantly knew which talk the name referred to and that was what counted, right?

Right.

Only problem was: what would he do if Arthur went to have coffee with him again? He would have to think about that.

These were the thoughts that invaded his head on this particular Monday morning. Not that he was planning on going for coffee with Arthur... today.

It was well into the semester and Merlin could already feel the atmosphere become a bit tense. Students bustled about, preparing presentations and already collecting notes for their end of term essays.

Merlin should be amongst those who were already stressed out because for the very first time, he would have to do a project.

He didn't quite know yet how this 'project' was supposed to look like, only that he had to conduct a study of sorts and write about it afterwards. His professor was very excited about the prospect of letting his students make elaborate studies, Merlin was not.

“This is an incredible idea, Merlin!”

He hadn't even said anything.

“You are to study your peer's behaviour...”

What?

“How about you try to find out what their first choice is in regard to...coffee? You youngsters drink a lot of coffee, right?”

“And how would I do that, sir?”

The professor smiled.

“Simple. You just sit yourself down comfortably in the cafeteria and make notes on who drinks their coffee how. No names. Simply divide your fellow students-” Merlin suddenly had to think about Arthur -”into male and female and then note down which kind of coffee they buy.”

Merlin did not understand the purpose of the assignment.

He knew better than to argue, though.

Which was exactly why, for the third time running, he was sitting close to the coffee machine, waiting for someone to show up and drink coffee so he could get on with it.

His mind was drifting off (for the umpteenth time that day) so it was no wonder that he jumped in fright at having someone talk to him:

“Hi Merlin.”

Especially when he was just thinking about that voice.

“Hi Ar- is that coffee?”

Merlin stared at the white, steaming cup in Arthur's hand.

Arthur looked down at it and regarded Merlin with a questioning look.

“Er, yes?”

Immediately, Merlin turned back to his notebook and made a note underneath 'male'.

“What kind?”

The frown on Arthur's face seemed to be getting deeper by the second.

“Er, milk and sugar?”

Merlin nodded while writing all of that down.

“Merlin, are you alright?”

That was when Merlin stopped writing. The situation had just caught up with him and he turned back around, laughing nervously.

“You know, I am to do this study...”

The frown grew deeper.

“What kind of study?”

So Merlin explained.

There may or may not be a lot of eye-rolling involved.

Arthur had sat down right next to Merlin during his speech and grinned at the end of it.

“It sounds so weird. Kinda fun though,” he glanced at his watch.

“I have a free period, mind if I join you?”

Merlin laughed.

“Are you sure you want to spend your free time spying on the coffee habits of other people with me?”

“I actually am.”

The sincerity in which Arthur said it, made Merlin go weak in the knees and he was more than thankful to be sitting.

The next one and a half hours, they kept looking out for people using the coffee machine and occasionally commented.

Arthur was absolutely baffled on how many guys seemed to go for a latte. Just as equally amazed by how many girls seemed to drink their coffees black. No milk, no sugar.

“This is so weird, huh? It's becoming a gender study,” he had grinned and waited for the next person to show up.

Suddenly, the whole project wasn't so annoying anymore.

*

Arthur had sat with Merlin a couple of times more and Merlin was getting more and more excited about the paper he would have to write about it because Arthur had said that he wanted to read it.

Should in include Arthur somehow? It would probably be a bit strange...

Still, Merlin was buzzing when he finally had written the whole thing and carried around a second copy just in case he came across the blond.

Which was (quelle surprise!) on the last day of term.

Merlin had been waiting in front of his professors office for quite a while, when Arthur showed up, having to hand in a paper two doors down from where Merlin was standing in line.

“Hey,” Arthur nudged him gently and Merlin's face lit up (he really hoped that Arthur wouldn't notice).

“Hi. Last day, huh?”

Arthur nodded and groaned.

“I am so done, I tell you. I can really use a holiday right about now.”

“Doing anything special?”

Merlin moved one spot ahead.

Arthur shook his head.

“Nah, staying home this time...might get some of the TV shows done that are on my to-watch list.”

“Oh?” Merlin couldn't contain his glee. He really wouldn't have Arthur pegged for someone who watched a lot of TV shows. Not like Merlin.

“Like what?” he asked.

Arthur shrugged.

“Need to catch up on...” he looked around himself, suddenly nervous and whispered:

“Shadowhunters.”

Merlin laughed.

“I watch that, too,” he finally admitted. He didn't want Arthur to think he was laughing at him.

Arthur grinned.

“We should do a marathon soon, then.”

Merlin nodded enthusiastically.

“Who do you like best?” it was out before he even knew what was happening.

Arthur thought for a moment and then chose to say:

“Well Alec is pretty cute sooo...” he winked.

He winked.

He thought Alec was cute.

He winked.

Merlin didn't know what to think about first.

He just smiled.

“He is very cute.”

And that was that. It was out there.

He wasn't even sure about whether or not Arthur was gay before and now he just basically 'came out' himself.

What a day.

Arthur's grin grew even wider.

“Glad we agree on that.”

This was a good moment, right?

They were both here, bonding over male fictional characters... this was the moment, right?

“So Arthur, uh. I've been meaning to tell you that, er... I kind of am...”

“Mr. Pendragon?”

A head popped out from the door Arthur was supposed to drop his paper off.

He immediately jumped into action and rushed over to his professor.

Merlin could only hear him apologise before the door closed behind them.

Merlin sighed.

When Arthur came back out again, he looked hurried.

“Sorry Merlin, talk soon, yeah? Gotta run!”

Merlin nodded and sighed again.

That was that then.

He would tell him the next semester.

He still had time.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

Arthur had graduated. Merlin had read his name on the list of graduates and even though he felt happy for Arthur (because graduating was what they were here for after all), he also felt incredibly sad. He wouldn't see Arthur anymore, wouldn't talk to him. Those blue eyes? Gone. The hair he wanted nothing more then bury his hands in? Gone. That easy laugh that made Merlin feel warm all over? Gone.

On the day of graduation, Merlin sat on his couch, sulking. He should have written a letter since trying to tell Arthur verbally didn't seem to work out for him very well, he should have... He groaned and got up. A quick glance at his watch told him that the graduation ceremony would be over soon. A wave of heat gripped Merlin and he felt tingly all over. This was his chance. He would hate himself if he didn't at least try to tell Arthur one more time. He nodded to himself. One more chance. If he blew it, he would have to live with it. If he didn't, well... the thought made way for a different kind of heat. Quickly, he put on a decent (he hoped) shirt and rushed to the ceremony as fast as he could. This was his last chance. They had talked some more during the semester and Merlin was a hundred percent sure that he would never feel about anyone like he felt about Arthur. He had to tell him. After all, he didn't have the other boy's number or address or... anything really. They didn't even befriend each other on Facebook.

When Merlin arrived at the big hall where the graduates received their final degrees, there were at least a few hundred people there and Merlin immediately felt lost. He felt a lot of things. He felt desperate and sad and oh so infatuated. If only he could find Arthur. He pushed himself through various crowds, looking for that familiar blond head until he finally saw him.

His heart beat faster and his hands got sweaty as he made his way through. And really, who needed so many people at a graduation?

“Arthur,” he shouted but he didn't seem to hear him.

“Arthur!” he tried a little louder all the while trying not to hurt anyone on his mission.

When he finally stood right behind the boy he loved, he suddenly didn't know what to do anymore.A tap on the shoulder maybe?

He could see that Arthur was standing in a circle, facing a lot of people and – were those his parents? His eyes settled on a girl with long dark hair and a face so beautiful that Merlin instantly felt a peng of jealousy. Even if Arthur was gay, if he was constantly surrounded by such beauty... Merlin could never compete!

Merlin felt like all the air had been punched out of his lunges, when he felt the beauty's eyes on him.

She subtly indicated to Arthur that he should turn around and then there they were, the blue eyes Merlin could not get out of his head.

At first, Arthur's face was scrunched up in confusion but as his gaze settled on Merlin, his features softened.

“Merlin, hi,”

“Hi,” Merlin replied shakily, eyes darting between the confused looking family members.

“Er,”

Just say it, he thought. I love you. I love you. Three little words. Not that hard. _I love you._

“I, uhm, thought I'd come over and congratulate you,” is what he finally settled on and his heart began to race again.

He needed to say it, it was his last chance.

“Thank you.”

Arthur beamed at him and then turned back around.

“This is Merlin, we, uhm, study together.”

We study together.

Merlin's heart sank. Merlin had forgotten how much it hurt hearing those words from Arthur.

Again, not even an aquantance, not even a friend. Just someone who studied with him.

The stern looking man was the first to speak up:

“Why is he not graduating, then?”

He looked Merlin up and down and only then did Merlin realise that he wasn't dressed half as fancy as everyone else. Even Arthur wore a suit (a well fitted one at that. Merlin would have to think about that in detail later but there were more pressing matters at hand).

Arthur chuckled.

“He is a semester behind.”

That made his father's (at least Merlin had concluded that it was his father, it isn't like he had gotten a proper introduction) eyebrows shoot up.

“Did you fail some tests?”

Merlin quickly shook his head.

“No, but er, some classes are open for students of every year so...” he trailed off.

He fixed his eyes to Arthur's again, who was looking at him strangely.

"Yeah," Arthur mumbled, not taking his eyes off Merlin, "he is naturally a semester behind me."

Merlin didn't even wait for a reaction of the older man, he just kept looking at Arthur.

Arthur opened his mouth and closed it again before shaking his head.

He squeezed Merlin's shoulder lightly.

“Thank you Merlin. Take care, yeah?”

He was obviously dismissed. Right? Arthur even turned back around to make conversation with the older women besides his father (so his mother? Merlin guessed). 

Merlin turned aroundas well and made his way through the people once more, feeling utterly deflated. Hefelt tears prickling in the corners of his eyes but he told himself not to cry. At least not in public.  

This had been his last chance.

It just hadn't been the right moment.

Merlin groaned out loud in frustration and the people around him studied him critically but he didn't even see. He felt like he couldn't see or hear or feel properly anymore.

The presence of the family had him tongue tied.

He would blame the family.

He sighed.

He always had something or someone to blame. But the truth, the truth he had to admit to himself, was that he was too afraid.

He felt so strongly for Arthur that he didn't even know what to do if Arthur laughed at him or just told him “no”. Actually, he didn't even know what would hurt most.

And now, he would never find out.

He grabbed a champagne flute on his way and downed it one.

He slowly made his way home, feeling as if he was way too heavy for walking properly.

He had had five whole Semester to tell Arthur about how he felt. Two and a half whole years.

And he'd blown it.

 


	6. Chapter 6

Arthur wanted to kick himself. He had graduated almost two months ago and had been sulking since then.

He spent his days applying for jobs just to satisfy his father but his thoughts were elsewhere. He hated how his graduation day had worked out. He was so happy when Merlin showed up but since his father highly disapproved of his... preferences, he didn't want to give too much away, so instead, he sent Merlin away.

The hurt look on the other boys face was what haunted Arthur at night. He wanted nothing more than to hug him. Kiss him, until it was all better.

Unfortunately, Arthur's father had chosen the ceremony to introduce Arthur to his new girlfriend (and seriously, were people his age even allowed to refer to people as girlfriends still?) and her daughter. Sure, the daughter seemed nice enough... Marianne, Arthur thought her name was. He had tried to be nice because after all, she cannot be blamed for any of his hatred towards his father.

Still, Merlin had looked at her like she had been the most beautiful thing he had ever seen and it had unnerved Arthur to no end.

He had tried to flirt with Merlin since he had first laid eyes on him (he might have stared a bit. And then tried not to look at him at all – and failed), but despite being gay, the other boy never seemed to flirt back, so Arthur became more and more unsure of himself.

Now, two months after having seen him for the last time, there was nothing Arthur wanted to do more than to see him.

He had told his friend Gwaine (who was one of the lucky few who got jobs at the university) to immediately ring him as soon as Merlin set foot in one of the libraries during Gwaine's shift.

He hadn't exactly worked out what to say yet. The only thing he knew for sure was that knowing he would randomly bump into Merlin in his daily life had always made him feel at ease. He was giddy with anticipation on days where he knew he would bump into the other boy for sure and suddenly, all of that was gone. And Arthur couldn't accept it. He simply couldn't. Nobody was more surprised than him though, that he would get another chance. He sat on the kitchen table, nursing a steaming-hot coffee to calm his nerves (he seemed to be on edge all of the time nowadays) when his phone vibrated, indicating a text.

 

_He's here._

 

Was all it said. All Arthur needed to know. He immediately put down the cup, straightened his shirt and his hair at the same time (until he decided: to hell with it) and left the house in a hurry.

The train ride to university took too long.

Arthur was fidgeting, earning a very annoyed glance from the bloke next to him who tried working on his laptop.

When his stop was announced, he jumped up, making the bloke swear and glare at him but Arthur didn't even register it. All he concentrated on was Merlin's smile. The twinkle in his eyes, the softness of his laugh. Oh how Arthur loved his laugh.

He took two steps at the same time to the university entrance building and only allowed himself to look around for a minute. He wasn't supposed to be here. He wasn't a student anymore. He grinned. He had let university go a long time ago. The only thing he hadn't – couldn't - leave behind was Merlin. He couldn't get up the two flights of stairs to the library fast enough and allowed himself a minute to calm down, slow down his breathing before he entered.

Gwaine sat at the front desk, looking bored as ever. He only looked up at the sound of the door opening and when he saw Arthur, he just rolled his eyes and jerked his head back as if saying 'go on then'. Arthur squeezed his friend's shoulder in passing, hoping he would understand, hoping that the 'thank you' would come across silently. But he didn't look back to check. His eyes were fixed on a figure sitting at a desk by himself.

For a moment, Arthur could only stare. Merlin was surrounded by books, all of them open at seemingly random places. Merlin's hair was dishevelled, probably from raking his hands through them in frustration. Arthur could relate. Could relate so well to what he was seeing. He couldn't help but smile fondly, when Merlin suddenly stood and Arthur lost his ability to breathe. He hadn't thought about what to say yet. How to approach him. What would he do if he was caught staring?

But Merlin paid him no mind, walking through the long isles of books to the very last row. Arthur decided to follow.

Merlin bit his lip in frustration as he scanned the shelf for the volume he needed and Arthur quickly glanced around, not seeing anyone lurking nearby.

This was his chance, he thought.

He slowly walked up to Merlin who only noticed him when he stood directly next to him.

Merlin's eyes widened when he saw who was invading his personal space and his mouth formed a perfect 'o' in obvious suprise. 

“Hi,” Arthur whispered.

“Arthur,” Merlin whispered back furiously.

“What are you doing here? You're not supposed to be here, you _graduated_. ”

Arthur grimaced and scratched the back of his neck to stall before saying:

“I needed to see you.”

Merlin simply stared at him, blinking.

“I'm sorry, what? I think I have heard you wrong.”

Arthur sighed. Deserved. If he was shot down now, it was definitely deserved he decided.

“I needed... wanted to see you. Merlin, could we maybe...”

He didn't know what to say and felt like all of the words in the world had left him.

His eyes were drawn to where Merlin licked his lips nervously.

“Can I kiss you?”

And alright, that wasn't smooth at all. That was pathetic, really. For someone who had thought about the 'I'm in love with you speech' for years, this was really bad actually.

Merlin made a noise at the back of his throat, which Arthur took as an affirmative and leaned forward slightly to press his lips to Merlin's.

He wanted to touch him so badly but he was afraid to startle him.

Merlin pressed back instantly and when he buried his hands in Arthur's hair, he only felt it fair if he got to hold on to Merlin's waist, so he did.

He turned them slightly, until Merlin's back hit the bookshelf behind him.

It was a simple, innocent kiss. Lips brushing together over and over and over again.

Arthur didn't want it to end.

Merlin finally pulled away slightly, blushing.

“I,” he started, still looking at Arthur's mouth.

Arthur stroked Merlin's hips with his thumbs, grinning.

“Do you want to go for coffee?”

Merlin's eyes snapped back up.

There was a beat of silence which made Arthur swallow nervously.

“Am I still your fellow student?”

Arthur froze.

He hadn't thought that Merlin had even noticed. He only chose to use those words to get his father off his back and the first time because he was scared, scared that Merlin corrected him if he called him his friend.

He stared back into Merlin's searching eyes and whispered:

“I was actually hoping I could call you my boyfriend... you know, sometime soon, er, if...”

He was babbling. He knew he was. He just couldn't stop.

He saw Merlin grin, before he kissed him again.

“In that case, coffee sounds perfect.”

It was Arthur's turn to smile brightly before kissing him again. He kind of enjoyed the darkness of the library, the calm, the smell of old books.

He had no idea why he hadn't done this sooner.

He kissed Merlin one more time before linking their fingers together.

“Let's go?” he asked hopefully and tugged Merlin behind him.

The younger boy just giggled and followed.

When they walked up to the front door, they saw Gwaine looking back to the table Merlin still occupied with his things and gesticulate wildly.

Arthur ruffled through his friend's perfect hair playfully and whispered:

“He'll be back. You won't mind watching his stuff, will you?”

He beamed.

Gwaine studied him for a second before sighing and nodding and off they were.

Arthur felt like a twelve year old school girl with pig tales, holding hands with her first love.

He felt giddy and excited and happy.

So unbelievably happy.

They were running down the stairs, before Arthur stopped and turned around to face Merlin appruptly.

He cupped the boy's cheeks and looked deep into his eyes before mumbling in a low voice:

“I love you.”

Merlin closed his eyes for a second and seemed to try to breathe evenly. When he opened them again, they seemed a bit glassier than before.

“I love you, too.”

 

He had finally gotten to say it.

 

 


End file.
